Sunday, September 18, 2011

Mr. Keillor Went a Courtin'

And he did ride, with Sara Watkins by his side.
Garrison Keillor’s Summer Love Tour reached erogenous zones all the way back to the balcony of the War Memorial Auditorium last Saturday night with an intoxicating and incongruous mixture of love songs, patriotism, poetry, slightly off-color humor and Christian hymns. First, an ad hoc rap set to music expressed interest in his intended lover, the entire city of Chattanooga. He followed that with foreplay--intimate duets and revealing fantasies designed to give us palpitations.  Like a practiced con artist, he took us for all we were worth and left carrying our hearts, a large chunk of our change and our blessings.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Seeking Mr. Keillor

Garrison Keillor’s, “Summer of Love” tour was in Chattanooga last night, and I wanted to see the show. On-line tickets cost over $70, so I decided I would have to miss it, but I did go down to the auditorium to plug my book by sticking advertizing on cars and, if possible, get a copy to Mr. Keillor. (Of course he will love it if he only reads it.)
I know where performers’ buses usually park, so I drove down behind Soldiers and Sailors about two hours before the show and checked. Sure enough, two custom buses and a security car sat just across the street. I looked for signs of life, hoping no one mistook me for a crazed fan or a terrorist. Nothing moved.
I parked, grabbed the copy of my book that I had inscribed “to Garrison Keillor, Thank you for years of entertainment” and found a perch between the buses and the back door of the auditorium. Three or four persons came out for a smoke or a look around. I asked each if they could get my book to Mr. Keillor. Nope. One said, “Someone who can help you will be out shortly.”
Meanwhile, a very dark gentleman carrying a large valise and one of Garrison’s books walked up and asked in a Middle Eastern accent if I knew how he could get the book signed. He explained that he was an Ethiopian who wrote poetry and song lyrics in Amharic. He had driven all the way from Atlanta and said repeatedly, “Mr. Keillor is a genius.” I was incredulous and told him so. Who would think that the humor of “Lake Woebegone”, so couched in American culture and idiom, would resonate with a man from Ethiopia?
But there we stood, the Midwestern grandmother and the Ethiopian poet, waiting to connect with the man who, for that evening at least, united the two of us in a common goal.
We waited for another thirty minutes during which time a security guard and another man said it would be better to come back after the show. I decided to go swim and come back later to advertize, but I did not want to wait around outside until after eleven to see Mr. Keillor. I gave my new friend my book and told him to keep it if he did not get a chance to give it to Garrison.
I came back at seven carrying another copy of my book and several dozen business cards which I proceeded to distribute. Just before the show was to start, I went in and asked for a cheap ticket. They had several seats in the balcony for forty dollars, so I stayed. (A whole ‘nother blog and well worth the forty dollars.) Afterwards, I sat in my car in view of the buses and waited until the crowd cleared. Still, no one came out of the auditorium. Finally, I got up the courage to walk up to the first bus, praying all the way. The driver was sitting in the front seat and opened the door when I waved my book.

“Could you get this to Mr. Keillor?”

He said, “Yes,” and took it.

This is the fourth copy I have tried to deliver: one by mail, and three through people who told me they would “see what they could do.” So, maybe Mr. Keillor will get a copy; maybe he will read it; he will like it and ???

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Abomination

      Someone posted a letter on my Facebook page supposedly written to Dr. Laura Schlesinger in response to her support of the Biblical statement that homosexuality is an “abomination.” After fact-checking, I found that the letter has been around since at least 2000 and has been attributed to any number of authors. Its intended recipient could be anyone from President Bush to at least one Catholic Bishop.
      The letter takes several Bible passages out of context and posits ten questions designed to prove that Bible teachings are essentially ludicrous.
      Frankly, it does a pretty good job, especially if the reader is ignorant of the teachings of Christ and the purpose of the Old Testament Law.
      The Bible, when viewed as a list of dos and don’ts, becomes an arbitrary obstacle course to a pie in the sky by and by. Why would God disallow a person with a birth defect from being a priest or declare women to be unclean once a month?
      Every Bible passage needs to be viewed in the light of Christ and his grace which replaces laws that could not save but did reveal the holiness of God and the nature of sin.
      So what does the Bible say about homosexuality? It says it is an abomination. I’m not sure I know what that means--not just the meaning of the word, but what I need to say to anyone who chooses to practice homosexual behavior. But I know I am to love them and treat them as I would be treated, and I know that Godliness is not a matter of law.